I’m in the middle of revision. A picture book revision, which, were it not one of my very favorites that has been set in stone for quite some time, would not be that difficult. But I’ve noticed that it’s really hard for me to see differently something for which I’ve found a format, something that holds together and works as is. Then you get a revision request from two amazing editors, both saying you should change a key part of the story, and you sit up and pay attention. You think, “okay, it means killing many of my darlings, but okay”. And so you gear yourself up to do what you need to do. No emotional attachment.

It’s taken me four months to get up the nerve.

“Beyond the pale” is a term that’s used to describe behavior that is inappropriate or unacceptable. But it originated from the Latin pallus, or stake, or more precisely a fence or border made from these stakes. Behavior that is outside the borders set by society. So while it’s not a perfect term to describe what I’m feeling, I can’t help but think of the term to describe the difficulty I’m having with the revision of this picture book. I can’t see beyond the pale, beyond the borders I originally gave myself. Anything outside of the original focus of the story requires that I step to the other side of the fence and leave some of my darlings behind. And when you know these characters as well as I do, it’s hard to leave one of them behind, to wave goodbye across the fence, bid her a good life and hope her dreams still come true.

Last night I finally did it. I cut out what couldn’t stay and tried to come up with a new framework for the story. It’s going to get much much worse before it gets better. I’m over here on the other side of the fence, beyond the pale, not knowing whether I can make it work, or whether, even if I make it work, I’ll ever be satisfied with the new emotional center.

But will I ever know if I don’t try?

Wait. TODAY is a Monday? In February?

In the past week, I’ve finished the rough draft of one picture book, made it up to a word count of 99 (ahem,

tamarak

) on another, and started yet another picture book (I’m already up to 129 words on it, not all great words, but words that give some sense of form to the thing).

At this rate, I’ll never finish my novel.

Secret Goals. I guess you could call those wishes. You know, those things that you know will probably in million years never happen but you still hope anyway. One of my secret goals…is…towriteabookthatwillbeillustratedbyMarlaFrazee. Gosh, I love that woman’s art. I know. I don’t have any control over who will illustrate my books. And I’m over the moon already about the two illustrators chosen for my first two picture books. (this one! and this one! )

But I’ve got more books in me and you know…one can dream.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
-Mark Twain

Did Mark Twain really say this? I can’t find the original, so I’m not sure, but there are several sources that have it attributed to Twain. But I’ve been thinking about this quote as I look back on 2007. I can confidently say I sailed away from safe harbor in 2006. But in 2007, I began to tread water, to second guess myself. I feared the sails might even be in shreds. And the boat’s motor gave out a long time ago. So rather than wander around in circles, blown about by the wind and wishing the Coast Guard would somehow come save my tattered shred of a novel, 2008 is going to be the year I swim. It’s going to take a lot of muscle. But there’s a lot yet to be discovered. The horizon is just ahead.

I’m off to Washington, D.C. for:

1. The SCBWI Mid-Atlantic one day conference, where I’ll have my first ever manuscript critique for a mid-grade novel. (I’ve had pb manuscript critiques before but never one the “I have no idea what I’m doing writing a novel” novel.) Wheeee! And to top it all off, I get to see the wonderful

annemariepace

and others. Double wheeee!

2. The Marine Corps 10K on Sunday. There is also a marathon being run that day. I, however, felt that I didn’t have time “in this phase of my life” to train for another marathon. (Isn’t that much nicer than saying “I’m too lazy to train for it”? Just the 10K for me this time. But I’m open to discussing future marathon possibilities, if anyone wants to commit. 🙂

And right now, I’m in the wonderful Charlotte, NC airport where they have complimentary internet access. Hooray for Charlotte, NC!!!

This is how I’m learning to finish a novel and to be consistent with exercise and to keep the dishes washed and just about any other thing I feel compelled or constrained to do: I just ask myself “what do I really want?” Would I really rather watch tv or finish a novel? Would I really rather take a nap or lose 5 pounds? Would I really rather wake up to a clean kitchen or do it in the morning? “What do I really want?”

And sometimes, I choose tv. Or the nap. Or waiting until morning. But lately 9 times out of 10, I choose to do now what could wait until later. Especially when it comes to writing. Because I don’t want it to be this time next year when I wake up and realize I’ve watched this same episode of Oprah three times now, but I still haven’t finished my novel.

We’re moving.

And I have a deadline for a freelance project in a few days.

And I have to go now before someone finds me hiding behind these boxes using my computer. 😉

I am entering new territory. Charting new waters. Breaking new ground (for me, anyway). For the first time ever, I have sent part of a novel for critique.

I am a picture book writer. Or I was. Or actually, I still am AND I’d like to write novels. And by chance,I will be in the States and in Washington, DC on the day of the SCBWI Mid-Atlantic one day conference. And I’ll have the chance to have a manuscript critiqued. I almost played it safe and sent in a picture book that I had confidence in. But what I’m really unsure about, and what I really need help in, is this novel I’m working on (and passionate about, btw.) So, I took a deep breath, eeked out a synopsis and polished the first two chapters.

I am alternately terrified and elated. Mostly, I just wanted to send in a cover sheet that says:

DISCLAIMER: I am a picture book writer who knows nothing about writing novels. PLEASE HELP ME.

But I refrained. I’m trusting the process. I’m trusting that even though I’m not where I want to be right now in knowing how to write a novel, I’m gathering tools along the way. Maybe this critique will give me some of what I need to pull this novel together. For now, though, I’m still catching my breath that I’m letting anyone see it. 🙂

From the looks of things here on Live Journal, there’s been a feeding frenzy for Linda Urban’s A CROOKED KIND OF PERFECT. Apparently we’re all running to our closest indie and imploring pleaseprettyplease for this extremely entertaining debut novel. (And if you haven’t run to your closest indie yet, well then WHAT’S THE BIG DELAY??!! This is one you do NOT want to wait for.)

I had the chance this past week to chat with Linda a bit about the book, her writing process and everything from critique groups to bent spoons to Cover Your A** writing. A little warning: It’s a long interview. I just didn’t have the heart to cut a whole lot of it and you wanna know why? There a little gems of writing genius scattered about every other word throughout the interview. So I wanted you to be able to take advantage of the whole thing. Call me a poor editor if you want, but by the time you finish reading the interview, you’ll be singing Linda’s praises, just as I am. And you’ll be dying to read A CROOKED KIND OF PERFECT for the first time –or the second, or third, or twentieth — just as I am.

I’m excited about this book. Really excited. Excited enough to use a million exclamation points. But as Zoe from A CROOKED KIND OF PERFECT says, “Never trust an exclamation point.” So you’ll just have to go see for yourself.

You can find my interview with Linda at: http://www.kristydempsey.com/interviewLindaUrban.html

(And for a chance to win your very own copy of A CROOKED KIND OF PERFECT, a pair of toe socks and a copy of Neil Diamond’s greatest hits, click here!)

Here’s a little taste of something I cut from the interview just so I could use it here to whet your appetite:

What do you do when you hit the wall, when you’re writing along and the story doesn’t just spool out and let you follow where it leads?

These are the things I know:

I write best when I write often. I’ve never been able to do every day, but I have done five days a week and those sessions have been the best.

Kate DiCamillo says that showing up is the hardest part. When I show up regularly, something usually follows.

In principle, one should be able to write exploratory crap until the right stuff comes, but I have a really hard time with that. I guess there are different kinds of crap.Crap just for words on a page doesn’t work for me. I have to write something that at least has a chance of making it to the final product. I have to feel like I’m at least laying a foundation for something better.
When I put down just anything, just to have done with it, I end up with a shaky foundation and things topple.

Right now, I’m at a rough patch in my WIP. I’m probably at about the 2/3rd mark. I know where the thing needs to end, but I can’t seem to get there. How to get these kids to the point where the end makes emotional sense?

But I’m showing up. And this morning I got a glimmer of something — not gold nugget, surely, but maybe a bent spoon buried in the dirt. That’s okay. There’s a lot you can do with a bent spoon.